[IELTS WRITING 정복기] BAND 9 모델 에세이 베껴쓰기- 7

- 9번 베껴쓰고, 2개 eassay task 2 작성 및 첨삭 제출 (3 Feb 2014)
- 읽는 속도와 이해되는 속도가 좀 빨라지는것 같다..  마찬가지로 글을 지어내는 속도도 미미하지만 빨라졋다.

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

 

These day, the government spends a large part of its budget not only on public services, but also the arts. Although I agree that it is important to spend money on public services, I do not think spending on the arts is a waste of money.

There are several reasons for spending a significant amount of the government budget on public services. First and foremost, public services are the things such as hospitals, roads and schools, and these things determine the quality of life that most of us will have. For example, if the government does not spend enough money on hospitals, the health of our society may decline. Similarly, if not enough money is spent on schools, our children may not be properly educated. Also, it will be the poor in our society that will be affected more if we do not spend enough on these things because they are the ones more dependent on such services.

However, this does not mean that the arts should be completely neglected. To begin, it is difficult for many arts institutions to generate much profit, so without some help from the government, many theaters and other such places may have to close. Moreover, the arts also have an important impact on our quality of life. Many people get great pleasure in going to see music and theatre performances so it is important that the government assists such institutions so that they can continue to provide entertainment to the public.

To sum up, there are clear benefits of ensuring a large amount of investment goes into public services as this influences the quality of life for nearly all of us. That said, I do not believe spending money on the arts is a waste of money as this too provides important benefits.

 

 

 

2베껴쓰기 주전과 달라진건.. 처음엔 이런 BAND9 글을 읽을때는 '와 이렇게 쓰기도 힘들지만 읽기도 힘들다' 엿는데..

일단 읽는게 편해졋다...

에세이 작성시에 여러 문장을 좀 흉내내고 있지만 공을 아무리 들여도 아직은 7점을 받기는 무리가 따른다.

그리고 아직도 TOPIC SENTENCE 를 제대로 구성을 못하니 SUPPORT SENTENCE 도 헛소리하는 경향이 있고 전체적으로 내용이 따른곳을 세더라..

 

 

 A SOURCE OF MODEL ESSAY CAME FROM - http://englishwithyeasir.blogspot.co.uk/