6 개 에세이 10번씩 베껴쓰기후 첨삭 - band 6.5
- 서론과 결론에도 적어도 3문장 이상을 쓰라고 되있다.. 그럼.. 250자가 너무 넘어가던데..
- 1시간정도 공을 들여 쓴건데도 7이 되지 않는다.. 불안함..
- 고쳐진것을 10번 베껴쓰기 시도해서 틀린것을 알아야한다.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Although education in many
developing countries is not compulsory, an effort should be made to ensure that
all children between the ages of 5 and 15 years attend some form of schooling.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Many (A number of) advanced
societies have a law in terms of compulsory education to for children
for
the sake of their future and their country as well. I strongly
believe that children who are under the age of 15
should be educated for their future jobs and for them to have a more
plentiful lifestyle. In line with this, the
following paragraphs will elaborate on why children need to be educated. [1]
Although there are a lot of ways to become (turn out
to be) successful
citizens, without education, it is will be unlikely
easy to
survive in such a competitive society. Therefore, children the
government should be mandated children to have any form of
education by the government. This effort may very
well foster them to be experts in their chosen field so that they areit will be
easier for
them to get a job and also to survive in
such a
competitive job markets, . If
children had no mandated education by the government, these opportunities to
become experts and successful citizens would be gone.
Another reason why education must be compulsory to
children is a the big salary.
Firstly, this education policy is likely to guarantee them to have more
money and their a more comfortable
life as well. , Since since the more
educated people are more likely to earn a lot of more money
than not educated ones. In addition, those people are more likely to be
promoted with a lot of salaries in their company because
(given
that) they have
concrete knowledge base from the fundamental education to the upper
ones in their chosen field in the university. As a result, these forms of
knowledge from childhood and more salary to will pledge
them a big house, expensive cars, and a comfortable
lifestyle.
To conclude, although
(regardless
of the fact that) there are many
alternative ways for children to be successful in life,
education is the best way to accomplish it. Therefore, I strongly believe that
compulsory education from children to adolescent must be allowed or even
encouraged for their comfortable life in the coming year. Indeed, the importance of education in allowing
children to have a good future should not be overlooked.
[2]
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