[IELTS WRITING 정복기] 교육과 복지관련 TASK2-5
정말 손가락이 끊어질거 같다. 모델에세이 베껴쓰기를 9일정도 했는데..
물론 9일밖에 안됬지만.. 나의 첨삭 점수는 1.5 나 상승했다.. 안할수가 없는 근거가된다..근데 손가락이 너무 아프다는... 어쨋든 그나마 좀 손이 덜아픈 JEBRA TAPLICLIP [MADE IN JAPAN] 샤프로 한자한자 필사중이다.. 영어필사는 아무나 하는게 아니라 아무나 쉽사리 성공못하나보다..
이번 BAND 9 짜리 에세이는 교육과 복지관련 문제이다 물론 TASK 2 다.
본인은.. 벌써 5 번이상 필사를 했다.. 어느정도 어 이글 내가 읽었던건데 쓰봣던거 같은데 까지 느낌올때 그때까지만 진행하는중 임을 밝힌다..
Should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government, or should it be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services? Discuss the above and give your opinion using examples.
이렇게 문제가 길어주시면 정말~ 생각할 필요없어서 편하니.. 꼭 꼼꼼히 읽어서 이해하고 글을 쓰던 베껴쓰던 하길 바란다.
교육과 건강보험이 무료이거나 정부의 의해서 비용이 지급되어저야하만 하는가 아니면 이런 서비스를 이용하는 그 사람들에게만 책임이 있어야만 하는가 ~
교육 에대해 무료화와 개인의 선택을 본론1에 건강보험에대해 무료화와 개인의 선택을 본론2에 글구성은 이런식이었다. 물론 밴드9 글은 서론부터 다르다 길고 임팩트있으며 구체적으로 멀 언급할지 암시도 준다.
A healthy and educated society is the backbone of any successful society, however, deciding who is to provide this is a sensitive topic. I strongly believe the government should be held responsible to provide these services for two reasons. Firstly the entire society benefits and secondly the whole population is currently paying for the services. However, if one prefers extra services they should be prepared to pay for it themselves.
Firstly, education is largely considered a basic right, a population unable to calculate, read, write or even learn would be doomed in such a competitive global economy. Globalization has increased competition and shifted the emphasis to knowledge, information and science. A state education should therefore be freely available to everybody. However people wish to purchase private education, this should also be allowed or even encouraged. Private education reduces the strain on public services and provides a source of tax revenue for the government, in effect subsidizing state education.
Secondly, health services must undoubtedly be available to all because the entire nation are paying taxes and therefore should not be excluded from any service. Take the NHS in the UK for example, this organisation caters for the entire population and no private medical insurance is needed. Unfortunately waiting lists can be long and service is occasionally slow, therefore some purchase private medical insurance for a faster service. This reduces the workload of the public sector.
To conclude, I believe both healthcare and education are basic fundamental rights, necessary for any advanced society and therefore the responsibility should lay with the government. Nevertheless if individuals require more than the standard level they should be prepared to pay for it.
간결하고 구체화적이고 명확하다...
여기다 타자로 필사하면서 6번째 이제조금.. 음.. 익숙한 느낌..
4번을 더 써봐야 할거 같다.
모델 에세이 출처 - http://englishwithyeasir.blogspot.co.uk/
물론 9일밖에 안됬지만.. 나의 첨삭 점수는 1.5 나 상승했다.. 안할수가 없는 근거가된다..근데 손가락이 너무 아프다는... 어쨋든 그나마 좀 손이 덜아픈 JEBRA TAPLICLIP [MADE IN JAPAN] 샤프로 한자한자 필사중이다.. 영어필사는 아무나 하는게 아니라 아무나 쉽사리 성공못하나보다..
이번 BAND 9 짜리 에세이는 교육과 복지관련 문제이다 물론 TASK 2 다.
본인은.. 벌써 5 번이상 필사를 했다.. 어느정도 어 이글 내가 읽었던건데 쓰봣던거 같은데 까지 느낌올때 그때까지만 진행하는중 임을 밝힌다..
Should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government, or should it be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services? Discuss the above and give your opinion using examples.
이렇게 문제가 길어주시면 정말~ 생각할 필요없어서 편하니.. 꼭 꼼꼼히 읽어서 이해하고 글을 쓰던 베껴쓰던 하길 바란다.
교육과 건강보험이 무료이거나 정부의 의해서 비용이 지급되어저야하만 하는가 아니면 이런 서비스를 이용하는 그 사람들에게만 책임이 있어야만 하는가 ~
교육 에대해 무료화와 개인의 선택을 본론1에 건강보험에대해 무료화와 개인의 선택을 본론2에 글구성은 이런식이었다. 물론 밴드9 글은 서론부터 다르다 길고 임팩트있으며 구체적으로 멀 언급할지 암시도 준다.
A healthy and educated society is the backbone of any successful society, however, deciding who is to provide this is a sensitive topic. I strongly believe the government should be held responsible to provide these services for two reasons. Firstly the entire society benefits and secondly the whole population is currently paying for the services. However, if one prefers extra services they should be prepared to pay for it themselves.
Firstly, education is largely considered a basic right, a population unable to calculate, read, write or even learn would be doomed in such a competitive global economy. Globalization has increased competition and shifted the emphasis to knowledge, information and science. A state education should therefore be freely available to everybody. However people wish to purchase private education, this should also be allowed or even encouraged. Private education reduces the strain on public services and provides a source of tax revenue for the government, in effect subsidizing state education.
Secondly, health services must undoubtedly be available to all because the entire nation are paying taxes and therefore should not be excluded from any service. Take the NHS in the UK for example, this organisation caters for the entire population and no private medical insurance is needed. Unfortunately waiting lists can be long and service is occasionally slow, therefore some purchase private medical insurance for a faster service. This reduces the workload of the public sector.
To conclude, I believe both healthcare and education are basic fundamental rights, necessary for any advanced society and therefore the responsibility should lay with the government. Nevertheless if individuals require more than the standard level they should be prepared to pay for it.
간결하고 구체화적이고 명확하다...
여기다 타자로 필사하면서 6번째 이제조금.. 음.. 익숙한 느낌..
4번을 더 써봐야 할거 같다.
모델 에세이 출처 - http://englishwithyeasir.blogspot.co.uk/
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