[3일 모델에세이 베껴쓰기후 첨삭]- 6.5 BAND
The most significant advancement
in civilization is the invention of the Internet in order to share every piece of information (with
the very purpose of actually disseminating information for people to know about
things). Some people maintain that the iInternet
will eventually replace the role of newspapers in the future.
There are several reasons for believing that the Internet is likely to grow in
popularity.
To begin with, The the first
reason is the increase in the use of smart devices
rather than the newspaper,
in order to have access to news through
the Internet. When we use this these smart
devices, this such way means of
reading news is utterly pertinent to citizens who are unlikely to carry many stuffs things during commute (while
taking public transportation). Many citizens
in Korea have been surveyed and most of them
answered that they are often to read and get
news through
from the Internet by using smart
devices for while waiting for the bus
so that they do not waste time by just doing
nothing (can be efficient
while there is free time). BecauseAnother
reason is , that this device
is lesser in weight
(lighter)
than newspaper. It is even more convenient to carry smart devices
as compared to actual newspapers[1]. Therefore,
modern citizens are likely to choose the iInternet
as a major
source of
for reading news than as compared
to newspaper.
Another reason why the iInternet’s popularity is going to increase as a source
of for news
in the coming year is the increase of the time of usingused
the while
browsing the iInternet
and as well as its
accessibility. Smart devices are now able to connect to the
Internet everywhere and raise increase the
time of using usage the
Internet as well. In Korea, for instance, almost all
citizens in Seoul are able to enjoy the Internet with fast speed for reading
current affairs and news about economic endthe economy and so on (many
practical matters) by using smart
devices. In this case, this these devices
tend to increase the time of using usage of the
Internet in that it is utterly efficient and convenient to access information
through them.
In conclusion, Although although some
elderly people still needs and read
newspaper as a source of news, it is certain that
the Internet is likely to grow in popularity and may very well eventually
replace newspaper in human lifestyle.
Note to Students:
Blue
Highlights: Alternative expressions for a higher score in lexical resource
Yellow
Highlights: Improving supporting details
Gray
Highlights: Distracting sentences
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